You Are My Sanity
by theangelstookmerlin
Summary: A beautiful Eremin fic. Tagging this as M for now because I have no idea where this is going to go, but I'm planning on M. Also, I don't know if I'm going to ever finish this.


_Annie._ Eren could remember a voice asking that. _Annie, what happened to Annie_. The voice seemed to be coming from him, but it was too hazy and blurry and red for Eren to understand the answer being thrown back at him. The voice had been soothing and comforting, pulling Eren into darkness and making him forget the world around him. Red...why was it red? Everything was dark, and it was red; a sticky, thick, fearful red. Yet Eren has was having trouble pinpointing why it was red and why the red was fading so quickly. Could that have been blood? Eren did not know, and he did not care. He was much too concerned with the black at the moment. It was fading away into a gray, then a white, and then...

With a start, Eren sat up and looked around. He had no idea where he was. The room he was in was small and brown, and everything else in it was of similar excitement; gray bed, wooden night stand, and dark blankets. The only bit of color in the room was a head of blonde hair sprawled out on the bed beside him. Armin.

Eren jostled his friend to wake him up. He needed to know where he was and what happened to Annie. Why he was so concerned for Annie, Eren feared he would never know, but it was a question that was pulsing through him, demanding to be answered. What happened to Annie, and why would Eren be so worried about her? "Armin, wake up." He said harshly, his question more important than his friend sleeping.

Armin's eyes snapped open, and he looked at Eren with worry in his eyes. When he saw Eren sitting up looking at him, his eyes relaxed, but his body was still somewhat tense. "Eren-" Armin began to ask a question, but was quickly cut off by his friend.

"Armin, what happened to Annie?" Eren asked, fearful for reasons unknown even to him. He was sure that once Armin began to explain what was happening, he would begin to remember everything again. Strangely enough, when Eren asked the question, Armin got a weird look on his face, a look that resembled guilt. "E-Eren..." Armin glanced at the door, then back at Eren as if the information he was about to tell was an enormous secret. Perhaps it was.

"Eren, don't you remember what happened?" Armin started over, his voice full of worry. Eren simply shook his head in answer. "Oh. Well, you took quite a beating, so it's not surprising that you don't remember. Annie...is a Titan. I'm sure you remember that much." Eren nodded once again. He remembered what happened with Annie in the entrance to that underground tunnel. It made him sad to think about it. Annie was his dear friend, and knowing that she was an enemy against humanity was something that he wished he had forgotten._  
_

"Annie attacked the city, and you turned into a Titan. You probably remember that much as well. But," Armin shifted himself on Eren's bed, giving Eren an excellent view of Armin's bright blue eyes. "You almost killed Annie, but you froze, and Annie locked herself in this weird amber shell. We've tried everything and it won't break. Who knows how long she's going to be in there?" Eren stared at Armin. As Armin described what had happened, blurry images began popping up in his memory again. He remembered everything that had happened, even why he had stopped himself from killing Annie.

He loved her. It was painful, and it was wrong, and Eren had no idea how this love came about. In all the years they had spent in training together, he had never once thought of her as anything more than a friend. And while he had trusted his life in her hands, Eren had known that Annie was nothing more than a friend, and that was all that he wanted out of her, and what she wanted out of him. But when Eren was separated from Annie, he began to miss her more than he thought he would. Eren knew that he would miss her, but he also knew that he would miss all of his other friends from the 104th Trainee Squad so he had thought nothing of it. _Annie._ Just seeing her lying in the meat of her destroyed titan form with tears streaming down her eyes was enough to make Eren realize his feelings for her. He never wanted to see her in pain like that again. And now, he may never see her again.

And yet, Eren hated Annie. She tried to kill Mikasa and Armin, his only family left, as well as all of the friends he had made. She killed many good soldiers when they were on their scouting mission, and she even tried to kill him. Eren hated her for that. It made him want to turn into a titan and tear off her head all over again. He wanted to kill Annie, but she was trapped inside of Amber, unbreakable even by the legion's most extreme methods.

"Fuck!" Eren screamed, punching a the wall beside him, unfazed by the broken bones and blood. He had become accustomed to pain in his hands, although it still made him wince. But the physical pain felt so much better than the pain going on inside of him. He was so conflicted, and confused, and angry. Why did Annie have to pit herself against the world? Why did she hate humanity so much? How was she able to turn into a titan? None of it made any sense, and Eren knew that there was no chance of him getting any answers. Not even Hanji or Armin knew how any of this was happening, and they knew everything.

Armin. Eren looked up to see his friend still sitting there, a look of concern on his face. He looked so uncomfortable just sitting there, most likely not knowing the best way to comfort his friend in a time like this. But he was still there for Eren, not wanting to leave him alone in his confusion and fear. He had always been there for Eren no matter the circumstances. With his quick wit and excellent intelligence, he was able to stop Eren from being blown to bits. He was always there with a hug or a smile whenever Eren was depressed or angry or frustrated. When they were training to become soldiers, Armin's perseverance pushed Eren along more than any yelling or reminders of titans ever could. Armin...his best friend...his family...

A sharp and familiar feeling struck Eren in the heart. It was similar to what he felt for Annie and Mikasa, and yet it was not the same at all. It made him uncomfortable and happy and warm all at the same time. He had no idea what was happening, and it scared him.

Armin must have noticed the terror on Eren's face, because Eren suddenly felt Armin's small hand on his arm. Eren could feel Armin's skin right through his shirt. "Eren, is everything alright?" He asked. Eren stared at Armin. _I think I like him, _he thought. He could not tell if this strange feeling in his heart was appreciation and love for his childhood friend, or if this was an entirely different level of love. Eren figured that there was only one way he could sort out these feelings once and for all.

"Y-yeah, I just..." Eren said nervously, slowly inching toward his childhood friend, who in turn was slowly inching away until he hit the bed frame.

"Eren...are you sure you're okay? You're acting strange." Armin tried to pull himself as far away from Eren as possible without getting off the bed, but Eren was much too quick. He put one hand on either side of Armin and smashed his lips against Armin's as if this were the last kiss he would ever receive. Actually, this was the first kiss Eren had ever given anybody that was not his mother. Kisses had been reserved for her, and when she died Eren could not fathom kissing anybody else, not even the cute girls who were always giggling at Eren when they were training. Of course, he had been much too focused on training to kill every last titan, but that is beside the point. Kissing Armin was a huge step for Eren, and one that he was glad he had taken. Although it may have confused Armin that his best friend was kissing him, this sorted out any confusion that Eren had.

Eren pulled away from Armin, embarrassed. That kiss had completely decided his feelings for Armin, although Armin definitely felt differently. He had suddenly become extremely interested with the architecture of the room they were in and completely avoided eye contact with Eren. Eren sat back and stared at the door, not sure what he should say or do. Should he just ignore the fact that he ever kissed Armin? That was what Armin seemed to be doing, and he was the smartest person that Eren knew.

But it was so ridiculous to just ignore the fact that Eren kissed his best friend. All he wanted to do was kiss Armin until his lips were black and blue, but would he want to if Armin was against kissing Eren? He did not want to force anything upon Armin, and yet those perfect lips of his were just begging to be kissed. And how could Eren say no to that?

He pressed his lips against Armin's once again, but this time it was not a warm, loving kiss that warmed Eren. This was cold, forced and desperate for Armin's lips. They kept escaping his, pulling away just as their lips touched. It made Eren angry. He needed more than just a taste. He needed Armin right this second, but Armin seemed to want otherwise. He was attempting to pull himself away from Eren in the most polite way you can when your childhood friend is forcing their self upon you.

"E-Eren," Armin stuttered, trying his hardest to object to Eren's kisses. "Please stop. I don't want this, a-and I don't think you do either."

_Armin is delusional,_ Eren decided. Of course Eren wanted this, and Armin must as well. His objections were weak; lies to hide behind. Of course Armin wanted this. There was no way that he would not.

Eren grabbed the back of Armin's head and smashed their lips together, desperate for contact with Armin. Armin, in turn, wiggled, as if he was trying to escape. But Eren was not in the mood to play a game with Armin. He wanted him now.


End file.
